Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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