Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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