the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
