Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
