I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
