just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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