Your tits are I can't wait for
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
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i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
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Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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