I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize
