BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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