whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
