He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Randomize