ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
I will pee on everything he values.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
