LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
