I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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