Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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