my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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