Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
