he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
