Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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