Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
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He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
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He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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