Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
