well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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