ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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