1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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