You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
