Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Randomize
