I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
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