apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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