the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
