At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
