did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
