He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
