my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
