Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
