Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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