We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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