I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
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I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
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If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
be right there i have to get my cape
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
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