the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
