i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
