It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
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