Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
