just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Randomize