end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
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