I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
