hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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