She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
