we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
