This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
It's just like the Real World with babies
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
