i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Randomize
