I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
