but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
