Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
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