Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
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