I'm sorry my penis didn't work
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize