absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
