gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
