Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
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