I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
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