suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
