I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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