spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We had to coat check the pizza.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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