He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
