brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
