So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Randomize
